do caminos change people?
hoy, mientras ando por el camino a las afueras de melide, parece que les ocurre lo mismo que ayer a dos mujeres italianas del véneto. caminan de noche con linternas frontales y música italiana a todo volumen en sus móviles. cuando las alcanzo, se asustan un instante, pensando que soy un lobo o un jabalí. eso es lo que me dicen. no soy ninguna de las dos animales, solo un hombre normal.
but the music scares me away anyway and i walk faster to get back to quietud.
today i think about a conversation two nights ago. do we all change, when we walk a camino?
when i commenced the camino, i think i started with good intentions, but still wanted to somehow control the experience, by following routines, by following a set sequence of reflections (reflection cards), still occupied with judging things.
doing too many things at once. music, photos, conversations, walking, writing. generating too many ‘blinding ornaments’ for my own life. too many distractions.
then lots of questions to myself. many conversations, and a few really good ones.
something changed in the meseta. something definitely changed in león. what happened? la vida - this odd combination of life throwing something at you, you acting and not acting, making errors when you do, when you don’t, touching some souls, hurting others.
more, but also more precise questions to myself. less conversations, and a few really good ones.
i am more attentive (i hope anyway), accepting that i’m just a man (meaning un hombre defectuoso), accepting that things need time, that life cannot be forced.
so back to routines. but slightly different ones. i walk slower (unless there is italian disco music at 6:00 in the morning), i listen more, i try to focus on observation, i feel inside of me. how am i doing?
i’m tired after a month of wandering and wondering. but i still feel the need to ‘complete’ the camino, my camino. al mar y de vuelta a santiago. all-in-all 999 or 1,000 km. then i’m done. and the camino continues on. let’s call it the camino de la vida.
there will be elements to it, that are not in berlin. it will lead towards my version of a simple life. there will be room for creativity. horizon. music. literature. writing. there will be time for a continuation of healthy routines. more doubts. more trust also. more errors. new errors. new attempts. faith.
