the long way back, but forward

so, i’m on my way back. first to santiago. then to berlin.
yet, at the same time, i want to continue my camino. and i will. by walking further, but also by staying still.

by paying attention. by breathing. by feeling.

by learning to meditate. by practicing mindfulness. by allowing the mind to become empty. by cultivating yoyu, that abundance in which nothing needs forcing, nothing is lacking.

true attention is an effort that does not feel like effort. it is closer to looking than to searching. closer to listening than to interpreting. closer to feeling than to knowing.

i hope to carry this with me on the camino de la vida by carving out daily islands of silence. by sitting. waiting. breathing. by making room for emptiness. by suspending the constant urge to explain, evaluate, improve, or pursue.

not seeking anything. simply remaining attentive. without effort.

ready to receive reality as it is, before trying to name it, before judging it. feeling it.

life in its naked truth. life in the nude.

in a curious way, this feels like a form of cognitive behavioral (self)therapy turned inside out. not by replacing one thought with another, but by gently stepping away from thought altogether. cognitively training to not engage in cognition. untraining.

a practice of cognitive disarmament. a habit of emptying the mind instead of filling it. of not thinking. not acting. not striving. striving to not strive, without striving. just waiting in attention.

and discovering that attention itself may already be enough.

what am i going to do with myself then over the next weeks and months? well, we’ll find out soon enough. it will come. life will reveal itself. i will sit still regularly, but i won’t sit still all of the time. there will be walking, hiking, cycling, music, painting, writing, et cetera. all with attention.

if you read so far, here a few photos for you as a thank you for your patience. these photos are all from the first hiking day back to santi, from fisterra to olveiroa, and a bit further because all beds were gone, when i got there.