search and you will find?
quien busca, encuentra - quien no busca, encuentra tambien.
there is a delicate balance between actively striving to create a meaningful life and allowing meaning to simply unfold around oneself.
is meaning preordained? or opposite, is it our job to discover our essence and actively choose the meaning of our lives? can we?
living in ‘flow’, in the now, may mean that life's meaning is created by our conscious actions in each passing moment. to seek meaning is then to take responsibility for our own journey through our own actions. but isn’t ‘flow’ kind of unconscious?
when we face confusion or a difficult path, our default conditioning is to actively, or even aggressively search for an answer. this restless, active seeking often leads us to settle for incomplete truths simply to resolve the discomfort of our own uncertainty.
what if we stopped searching and started waiting instead? with attention? through feeling, looking, listening?
no immediate answers, no trying to control the experience (we can’t anyway).
it (life, reality) will reveal itself.
when we are on a camino, in a way we are searching, but also not. we are wandering around and waiting for life to present itself.
everybody is on their own camino. even if we walk together, we need to tread carefully (in both senses of the word). everyone needs their freedom, to find out what is ahead of them, or what life may present.
today seems all about a return to habits. fewer words, but making them count. then walking solo for most of the day. a bit more silence in my head. so much so that when i hear footsteps in the distance, i slow down. when they are in front of me, i let them get further ahead, when they come up from behind, i let them pass.
the sound of steps differs. sometimes it is possible to sense whether someone wants to catch up with you and wants to talk to you. today i just let them pass. my conversion is inwardly.
some new habits too. no more social media, no pressure to put up photos, disabling all tracking apps, phone in flight mode as often as possible, hours of digital quarantine every day. music, literature, media: selective listening and reading, real listening and reading.
there is birdsong. soft forest paths, sounds dampened by the thick moss everywhere. the air feels like there was a thunderstorm yesterday. there wasn’t.
later the air warms up and dries up. the birds continue to sing. there is a bit of wind - viento racheado. like a light warm blanket.
i’m walking slower today. gives me more time to just be. and think. and be. feel.
la relación de la velocidad de andar y de la intensidad de los experiencias, los sentimientos me parece inversa.
despite working that out - i still feel this inner restlessness. i know i want, maybe even need some changes in my life. what i don’t know, is how it should work with me identifying, what exactly i would like to change, or, with me simply waiting until i feel life come my way and it feels just right.
so, back on the road tomorrow. more walking, more feeling, more being in the moment, more fragments of time spent well, more life. all in due course.
