traces

these days there is a little bit less walking, a lot more driving on my camino de la vida. i’m in austria going back to places in my past, both geographically, as well as in my memory and in conversations with family, friends and souls i have a connection with, that have gone through different phases of life with me or alongside me.

for me, this journey is less about revisiting the past and more about changing my relationship to it.

i’m having conversations i previously thought i would not ever need to have. after all, i had sorted this all away. or ignored it well. now i speak openly about my childhood, my family, the camino, faith, grief and connections between souls. once you start opening up, you can’t stop (i mean, i can’t stop).

i am allowing myself to feel, to recreate what i may have felt during my childhood and youth. tears come easily now. even in front of people. the crying feels like a return to life.

while i know that i’ll drive east next (i even have the street address of my location for the night), i don't need to know where my journey is leading exactly. my task is to remain open, attentive and present, trusting that understanding will continue to unfold as I keep walking (or driving).